and for the first time in a very long time i'm actually relieved it's a start to a new week.
7 days. so much shit.
England got knocked out of the quarter-finals...
my whole kitchen got flooded after the washing machine pipe burst...
wasted a highly-anticipated jamming session due to RosS' laptop malfunction...
a major financial setback that has got me staring at the possibility of working while studying...
... and other issues that add up to nothing but a big pile of shit.
did i do something wrong? did i offend someone? did i say something hurtful? did i forget to pay for something and walked out? 'cos i'm really really sorry if i did. but enough is enough. the past week has been hell. a subconscious slow one, at that.
but of all the shit that has occurred, the one that reeeeeeeeeally got on my tits is the one about my Miss*SparkLE.
she left for Indonesia last week to visit her grandparents and was supposed to return to Singapore after a week. but she got into an accident and now she's got a cast on her left leg. no, she didn't break any bones. it was a sprain. the mother of all sprains, that is. it's a fucking cast, for crying out loud. so obviously she had to postponed her return home. and with that our plan to meet up went *poof*.
2 weeks.
she has to stay for 2 more bloody weeks until her cast is removed.
oh it doesn't stop there...... no......
as if walking on crutches with hardened plaster on yer lefty wasn't bad enough, high fever and cough kicked in the next day. oh, and freestyle puking as well. every few minutes. no wonder she lost weight.
so here i am on this side of Asia facing my problems while my Miss*SparkLE is suffering inconveniences of her own. which affects me as well. and there's nothing i can do about it. THAT just tops it all off......
but somehow this whole shit fiasco has certainly done wonders for me and her with regards to our...... relationship. the mutual elation felt everytime we see each other's nick online is just amazing. we'd go about telling each other about our respective what-nots and what we did the whole day, in between random jokes, sudden teases and spastic laughs. logging off has never been this difficult. it's the comfort we feel and the cosmic repercussions that binds us closer. and no, we don't plan to get tired of it. it's our drug, i guess. so much so that it's the one thing that we both look forward to at the end of the day, the one thing that help us sleep so much better......
i've never felt so at ease. much less with a perfect stranger.
maybe it's been too long.
maybe it's about time.
maybe she's just that amazing.
well i just hope the shit stops here.
cos i've just had about enough of staring at the walls.
i have my first orientation day for skool tomorrow, for goodness' sake.
end hiatus.
bedroom*hair @ 10:29 pm
+ + +
dammit dammit dammit.
why?
why is it always my England?
just when you thought your team were on their way to a glorious win over a determined arch rival, things just HAD to fuck up. oh no...... they couldn't be a little more wiser and maintain their 1-0 advantage, could they? they just HAD to let it slip. and go into penalties.
i don't know if i got it all wrong here, but i believe somehow that penalty spot had everything to do with the loss of my beloved England. yes, that spot. i mean, what were the chances of Beckham doing another blooper like he did with France?
fucking portugese soil.
fucking groundsman.
fucking penalty spot.
and of all the players to determine the fate of my team, it just HAD to be the 'keeper, no? the fucker saved and then scored the deciding goal. wanker......
and to think i was gonna buy the away jersey. bah.
%@#&@%#!!!!
bloody portugese......
bedroom*hair @ 6:02 am
+ + +
officially restricted of mobile outreach.
yes, Starhub just had to. and i blame it on procrastination on my part.
but somehow i'm not freaking out. and funny enough, i'm taking it quite well. under normal circumstances i'd probably have settled it within 24hours, just for security sake. but i guess i can't be arsed. i can't be arsed about alot of things nowadays, actually. which is a good thing. no...... a good change, more like it.
(suddenly solitary confinement sounds like a good idea.)
but it seems apt at this point of time that i feel a little empty and lost. cos today someone whom i've grown accustomed to, over the past weeks, is going away for a while. someone who has become...... dear to me.
i've only known Miss*SparkLE for slightly over two weeks now. but to describe what a joyride it has been...... i wouldn't know where to start. every single day eversince she came into existence had been such a blast. it wasn't a case of mad sugar rush, but i have to admit it seems somewhat instant, the way we connect. now keep in mind that i don't fancy being kept in the dark, and on any given day i'd just fuck it the minute the guessing game starts. i can't. i just can't be bothered......
but she...... she's got that something.
i don't know why i'm making a big concession for her. even after two weeks, i still haven't got the slightest idea just who she is. i've never heard her voice, never seen her picture, never whatever. and so it's not a surprise that my mind goes apeshit when i close my eyes and try to recall the faces of all that would qualify as a candidate. still nothing. yes, i am surprised at my determination. it's a first. to be honest, there were times when i just feel like a right idiot. but then again....
maybe it's because i haven't felt this sort of comfort for a very long time.
maybe my threshold of curiosity has reached an unprecedented level.
maybe it's the feeling of knowing something good is about to unfold and that patience is the key.
i have absolutely no idea just how long this will take and how it will turn out, but looking at the circumstances...... i should think i'm doing the right thing by not pushing the envelope. it would be a different story if she's doing it just for kicks, but i've heard her worries and i have to say that i understand how she feels. it's not easy to hold on to a kind of bliss that has for so long eluded you. i've been there. i'm sure everybody has. and so i think respecting her wishes is the best thing that i can do for now. having said that, i have to stamp on the fact that it has nothing to do with pity. or tolerance. i just know bloody well how it feels like to have a scar from a bad relationship.
and i have a handful of my own for show-and-tell, mind you.
(insert sincere "thanks" to The*NarcissisT, for fucking up my faith and confidence in love, here.)
nevertheless, the whole trip with Miss*SparkLE has been nothing short of a spectacular broadband supernova, where imagination is fully utilised and feeling high is a constant staple. smiles are a surplus, too. if it's this good now, just think of how fab it'd be when we finally meet. sweet.
someone please sedate me......
bedroom*hair @ 3:39 pm
+ + +
and boy am i hungry.
and bothered......
i just watched Forever Summer with Nigella. Nigella Lawson, that is. man, that woman shouldn't be allowed on lunchtime television. no, no...... she shouldn't be on television at all. i mean, how are we, the hungry kitchen-stupid audience, supposed to concentrate on how to prepare simple ricotta pancakes when the woman actually looks MORE delicious (with her curvy figure and her voluptuous... ) than her ingredients or the main course?
she is the real main course, by the way. damn producers.
but just like all things big and small created by God, Nigella has her little imperfections to remind her that she is not the goddess she coined herself to be.
she has this little...... "thing" about her that, frankly, is starting to get on my tits. i noticed she loves alot of things. and you'd be surprised just how many times she uses that word in her half-an-hour shows......
"i just LOVE the distinct flavour of the strawberry sorbet when it melts in your mouth..."
"i just LOVE the way the vanilla cream just blends in perfectly with the richness of the coffee truffle..."
"i just LOVE the shape of the bowl and how it compliments the whole outlook of the dish..."
"i just LOVE The.Bedroom.Show... i'm a really big fan of the site. and i just LOVE the.boy.with.the.bedroom.hair as well... he's just so LOVEly... is he seeing anyone?"
and the list goes on and on......
and she's got this thing about using the seasons and nature as part of her descriptives. summer here, spring there, breeze here, clouds there...... enough already. she speaks with such a defined accent sometimes i can't even take it. it gets just too much after a while. she's prim and proper, though she has to set an fine example as she is a mother of two. a proud one at that. but please. too much a good thing can really spoil the whole lot, mate. i wonder how her friends can stand her upper-class flair. i wonder how the camera crew deal with her as well......
but then again......
......i must be one hell of a sucker for her to remember all this.
which i am, by the way.
'cos i just LOVE Nigella Lawson......
bedroom*hair @ 12:21 pm
+ + +
i honestly do.
i think they're the bomb. just the thought of it is enough to get me daydreaming about my own and how it'd be, right down to the very last detail.
now i'm not being biased or anything, but i really love Malay weddings.
man, you've got to love the ambience.
the rows of dishes lined up at the buffet table...
the guests mingling and socializing...
the cooks brewing up a killer Ayam Masak Lemak at the back...
the dishwashers slogging it out, wishing they're somewhere else instead...
the timeless Malay slow rock ballads a.k.a lagu orang kahwin...
the hoards of families arriving, baby prams and all, in sychronised ambush all at once...
the mother and father of the bride becoming super socialites for the day...
the kendarats handing you those eggs in those passe ceramic glasses...
the kompang army wreaking havoc in the neighbourhood...
the bride who can't feel her legs cos she sat for wayyyyy too long...
the groom fantasizing about tearing up his baju pengantin with his keris because he's sweating like mad...
the silat maestros feeling-feeling pendekar infront of the pelamin...
the grannies doing background checks, asking anything and everything about the newly-weds...
the grandpas having their personal take on the Government and debating on what is wrong with the U.S...
the womenfolk, with their showcase of blinding gold jewellery, freestyling gossip about so-and-so and recommending the latest and greatest in cosmetics...
the shades-wearing pakciks talking about property prices and the current state of Manchester United...
the guys trying to tangkap hansem while checking out the kebaya chicks...
the kebaya chicks trying to maintain vouge while taking food cos know they're being checked out...
the kids running all over the place and playing fencing with their bunga manggar...
the babies fast asleep in their mother's arms cos they've had enough of milk...
...... all this going on while some Karaoke-addict belts out a feel-good hit on the rented soundsystem. and the poor git doesn't know everyone thinks his voice sucks.
i love weddings.
i honestly do.
bedroom*hair @ 7:57 am
+ + +
there i was getting dressed and doing my hair when i realised...... God, i'm going to my friend's wedding.
NuruL's wedding.
at that very instance of realising it's a major life event for her, flashbacks of the first time we all knew each other came flooding in. the times we hung out together with the rest of the group, celebrating our birthdays, going out for movies and stuff like that. most of the images in my head were of us still in our respective skool uniforms. that was 6 years ago.
6 years.
goodness fucking gracious me.
the whole surrealism was further enhanced when i saw her on the pelamin. she looked really beautiful. tudung and all. i haven't seen her in eons, and to see her as she was just now...... i just couldn't believe it.
what happened to the skool-skirt-wearing teenage girl that i knew?
wasn't it just a few months ago that we first went out as a clique?
is time really that supersonic to pass us by without we realising it?
well, she's a grown woman now. all happy on one of the biggest days of her life.
the whole time i was at the wedding i was back-tripping. so many familiar faces from my past in a multi-purpose hall in the heart of a district that used to be my second playground. SafuaN... HasnaH... HanA... SardineS... FazriL... and a number of acquaintances. but the one person that i was expecting to see couldn't come. IzrinA had to work, and so she couldn't make it to the wedding. it was through her that i knew everyone there.
3 years being with her brought alot of good memories back. even the ride home on bus 157 seemed so familiar. i bet my ass i've sat in that same bus before. the journey made me reflect on alot of things. Jurong West still looked the same and it still had the same homely heartlander's comfort that i felt everytime i came to fetch her or send her home.
and for the rest of the journey i felt like a 17 year-old again......
i guess everyone would go through this at some point of time in their life, realising that age is not necessarily just a number. it still baffles me how the human memory bank works. more like an insurance payout, if you ask me. it just sits there all the time and you forget just how much you had, until one fine day the maturity date arrives and you get a whole lump sum right smack into your lap. kinda like how this is.
now i'm starting to wonder how i'd feel......
...... if i received an wedding invitation from her one day.
yikes.
bedroom*hair @ 3:55 am
+ + +
it still comes as a surprise to me sometimes that AchaK is the youngest among us. fuck me, i can't think of any of my mates who just turned 19. had a small dinner get-together for the boy. though it wasn't really planned, it was still nice nevertheless. kinda like a last-minute surprise. and we all know how last-minute ideas work out better than planned ones.
you could see the silent contentment he had on his face when he blew out the candle. he joked that he'd wish for more patience and a better perspective on life. so typical of our beloved. always thinking of improving himself. but then again it doesn't come to much of a surprise. the dude has never acted anything like his age, as far as i can remember. like as if he's already in his twenties. good lad. a role model for kids his age, i say......
he's got a good head on his shoulders, that boy.
i hope he finds the kind of happiness he's been looking for......
bless.
bedroom*hair @ 10:30 am
+ + +
real sick.
now i remember why it sucks. i reckon it's got something to do with the fact that i haven't slept the night before i went to JB, plus the excessive fagging (i still haven't finished the two hardpacks that i bought) and the Causeway air. it really feels like hell, ver2.0, when you can feel your eyes all warm and teary. but thank God the fever's gone and the flu subsided. all that's left to deal with is the cough (from hell). i don't know if it had anything to do with my being sick, but i really have got to do something about my sleeping habits. it really is a phenomenon. i haven't seen the daylight since Sunday. been turning in at 7am/8am then waking up probably about 14 hours later...... for the past three days. tsk tsk tsk.
i haven't shaved in days. i look like a lab rat.
a mexican lab rat.
arrrriba!
but somehow, somewhere along the way i found a new spark. no...... more like she found me. which makes it all the more magical. let's just call her Miss*SparkLE, shall we? received a message on myspace from her one fine day. last Wednesday, to be exact. Vesak Day, i still remember. turns out she's a barrel of laughs. online. i can't really put my finger on it, but somehow the connection just seems so familiar. i keep asking myself if she's actually someone i know, someone who doesn't want me to know who she is. just had my first chat session with her just now. it was a real pick-me-up. she's got a custom-made imagination, that girl. with a really nice name to boot. very...... sparkly. heh. she introduced me to a song that i'm starting to get addicted to, i told her i couldn't swallow big caplets and at the end of the session we were merely reduced to a couple of whacked-out asses lying flat-out on a field of flowers, giggling and laughing our hearts out while staring at the flawless fat blue sky, trying to catch our respective clouds to hug. not bad for a first time. the feeling's just......
*smiles*
well, sparks and mexican lab rats aside, somehow i feel like i'm onto something good. i can feel something's round my way. like all the pleasant things that were suppose to come are finally on its way. though i can't really use my nose at this moment, i can smell the bliss of a new life that should be here anytime soon. where everyday's a day i'd want to replay again and there isn't a limitation to my bliss. i don't really know why i feel this way, but that's how i feel at this very moment. this is limited edition positivity we're talking about here. which is nothing but a good thing. i just hope i'm not smelling something else......
maybe it's due optimism.
maybe it's the medication.
fucking hell, maybe it's just ABBA that i'm playing right now.
all i know is that it feels good to be here.
disco rocks.
bedroom*hair @ 3:19 am
+ + +
tired of hoping.
things are going nowhere for quite a while now. everything's fading, i guess. and yesterday was kind of a really big sign. no, no...... Saturday was a really big sign. yesterday was a confirmation.
and today is an affirmation.
came across something just now. read it. it got me thinking. and then i understood.
i finally understood.
when you have tried your best to show how much you really want things to work, you just can't help but throw everything out the window when you bump into bad reality checks time and again. i don't like to give up. never did like the idea. but somehow i know this would save me from alot more heartache. i've learned my lessons. things could have been different for her. at least she'd know how it feels to be really adored. but i guess she's got her own plans. and her own choices. so there goes everything......
and to think all this while she's the first person i felt so much hope for......
"i would walk away. would you? i will try to forget. would you? its not the same, bro. i dont have feelings for her.. you do. a person with love is more patient." - RosS
sometimes we just can't see the clear, simple things...
bedroom*hair @ 1:15 am
+ + +
the weather was fine. the gig was good. buying a hardpack of fags for RM$4 was better.
but travelling out with 10 of your buddies, some of which you haven't seen in what felt like ages, just has to take the cake. God, i miss them. especially DzooL, NanA and FarinA. FarizwaN and YammiE were a really, really nice surprise addition. AbU and IsmU proved to be the best people to have senseless humour with. and then who else but my boys AchaK, Wan*G and ShahroM. i would have missed a brilliant day if i had chose to continue rolling in bed instead.
i think the only time i ever went to Larkin was when i was a wee-boy back when the Woodlands Checkpoint looked like a bloody post office. i can't even bloody remember if it was fucking Larkin, for crying out loud.
the gig was within walking distance at this (believe it or not) swimming pool off some long road that further led to..... i dunno..... Hell, maybe. the venue wasn't too bad. i reckon it's about the size of The Guiness Theatre. the turn out was pretty alright, considering u had to pay RM$12 to get in. but the lack of crowd response made it a little dull for NAZARK, i guess. then again, can't expect much when you're the 2nd band to play, can you? and so the boys did their thang.
a little different this time without Khai on the mic.....
.....and so, in his place, AbU screamed his lungs out, Wan*G jumped off the amps, AchaK was rolling on the floor, ShahroM didn't miss his timing throughout and DzooL broke the snare stand after smashing the drum set even before the end of the first song.
the boys did their job, alright.
after the gig we headed to have dinner and the rest of the evening led to more laughs and stupid jokes. even at the dinner table we'd still be at it. especially when it came to Wan*G. he'll be a Tekong boy later today, see. so out came the tease. sad to see him going away for 3 weeks, but i really hope he'll enjoy his time when he's there. and the rest of the night went was lost in merry-making......
but it would have been all the more spectacular if only Miss*DoLL had come along. it'd have given us the real bonding we needed...... to get closer. asked her a couple of times. she said she'd call. guess she wasn't interested. waited for her call the whole night even after i bumped into her...... with a fren. but she didn't even messaged.
if only.
God, i can fall asleep at a drop of a hat right now. my legs feel cramped, my back hurts and my eyes are nearly rolling out of its sockets. but it was all worth it. it was one of those days that you'd just wanna rewind right to the start and do it all over again. looking at the big picture, we didn't do anything much. we just went to a gig and had dinner. and it wasn't just because the gig went well, or that it's been a while since i went to JB...... but it was mostly because of the company of good old friends whom i haven't seen in ages.
it felt so damn good to start the day with lotsa smiles, mad laughter and random humour...... and to only stop when it was time to say goodbye.
suddenly it feels like there's some of May left still lingering around......
bedroom*hair @ 7:20 am
+ + +
finally i get to go to a gig out of here. Larkin, they say. how coincidental. we never stop doing the J.B. bus conductors' final-call.
"ah, Larkin, LARKIN!!!"
and what better cause than to see my mates in action. i haven't missed NAZARK's first two gigs since DzooL joined the noise. and i don't plan to miss any either. even more so now that ShahroM's my bassist @ FRONTLINE.
so up north we will go......
..... and a riot we shall see.
bedroom*hair @ 7:30 am
+ + +
i've never really had my eye on months, but i can't help noticing the recurring patterns that certain months show over the past few years. and yes, i do notice these things.
as how i've noticed it to be (so far)......
January has always been a facade of new beginnings,
February has always been a month for a lot of new fuck-ups,
March is when the shit subsides a little but keeps me hanging,
April is a month of personal adjustment and hope,
and May is the month when everything pleasant suddenly bursts into a stellar surprise.
but June.....
.....June is when i keep my fingers crossed.
to say that May was a wonderful month is an understatement. it was more than wonderful. it was fucking brilliant. it's the month where you realise that Devine Intervention has got everything to do with the tons of new people you've met, the new things you've discovered, the new confidence you felt and also the new love you found. yes, May is my favourite month. at least now it officially is.
but now May has passed. then like a scene out of Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels, one thing after another started to go a little awry. from relations with friends to the subtle realisation about a certain someone. things i never thought were there suddenly popped up like mushrooms. fuck-off big Shitake ones. like i couldn't see it coming. maybe they're right. maybe i've got to get a grip. maybe i've got to realise that i need to change. all-in-all, a kick in the groin that serves as a wake-up call. i have yet to figure out which side of the bed i will roll out of.
i don't know how i'm gonna get through this, but i just hope i can find some residue of May to help me deal with them. nothing life-threatening, but it still gets me staring at ceilings......
bedroom*hair @ 7:00 am
+ + +
eversince i first heard about it, i could've sworn i was an anti-blogger. to the core. i just couldn't understand the bloody concept. and honestly, i didn't want to.
well let's just say time has its way of changing you...... and it did a real bang-up job in this case.
so here we fucking go......
bedroom*hair @ 3:49 am
+ + +
Say hello to bedroom*hair.
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Special big-ass thank you to nanA for giving this blog its much-needed facelift.
You deserve a medal for this. And teh peng as well. Thank you.