if i keep this up any longer i'll end up being a case study.
bedroom*hair @ 7:19 pm
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i hope i don't sound too metrosexual, but i just dig the feel of new clothes. but then again who doesn't. i just bought a tee yesterday and i am now typing in it. i must say i am turning out to be quite a tart nowadays.
this Sunday nazarK will be performing at the Substation, and i cannot wait to see the boys in action again. the last time they had a gig we had to travel up north to JB. but that was many months ago. they're gonna be doing two new songs so naturally i am so looking forward to sit through the whole set.
speaking of which, i realised achaK is getting contagiously funny in a repulsive way of late. yesterday i asked him if he has ever seen a rat get rolled under a vehicle and he said he just saw one in an ICU ward the other day.
i have a pencil on my right ear. i have no idea why.
i am anxious for a photoshoot later. a friend's assignment, actually. and since we have to bring our own clothes i am left with the daunting task of picking my wardrobe. how exciting.
jamaican vibes ringing in my ears now. but that will be taken care of soon enough.
fresh laundry smell is the shit.
had a long convo with a friend last night, and i must say there's a very good reason why i am still single. it's amazing just how trivial some arguments can be. and how ridiculously easy paranoia can just settle in. i've been there, so i should know.
February is the month of love, they say. but for the millionth time it has proven itself to be a fucked-up month. a very fucked-up month. but the end's near, so i guess a few more days won't kill me.
i am very very very very very very excited about the compilation album that we'd be doing with four other bands in the coming months. it will be a mixed genre release and FrontlineSoundsystem will be chipping in two tracks. we've got one already sorted and the other one on the way. it'd most likely have an industrial sound to it and it'd feature ishmaeL from PublicEyes. so that's two madcappers on one track. lovely. i hope the beat boys get round to it soon.
shit. look at the time. and i've been told to come right on time for the photoshoot.
but i guess i'm gonna be late.
fashionably late.
heh.
ok that was bad. sorry.
bedroom*hair @ 2:33 pm
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beef, beef, beef.
this has got to be the best lesson in human relations.
i was looking forward to a night of bodyrock on Saturday but all i got was bad publicity. i know i've always liked talkshows but i never said i wanted to be a topic of discussion myself. Saturday Night Live meets Jerry Springer. all the essence of a good primetime drama with a cast of sorts.
speaking of which.
(ready?)
drunk girls should just shut the fuck up and go face a wall in one corner, let alone getting involved in people's affairs. i'd like to give you a piece of my mind and tell you how fucking ridiculous and stupid you were, but that would just cramp my style. let's not forget how you looked like, either. and what kind of a fucking fake accent was that anyway. yes, you. i am directing this towards you. the one who couldn't control her mouth but had the balls to push it. just you alone.
since when did you become a spokesman?
uh oh. LaserMouth Fai v5.0 activated.
you listen here. and you better listen good.
i have no time for childish debates or petty arguments. and this is definitely not gonna evolve into a blog war. not by my standards, at least. i am gonna give you the lowdown just this once and you better fucking read this through thoroughly. and i mean thoroughly.
it appears to me that you have no fucking idea what is going on and you obviously don't have the full story or even the decency to go find out. but then again, like as if it's any of your business. don't get me wrong, now. i don't blame you for reacting the way you did. it's all in the name of being a good friend, innit? granted. i'd have done the same thing, actually.
but here's what separates me from you.
at least i have the decency to be diplomatic about my opinions and not get into people's faces, at least not under the influence of alcohol. how bloody convenient. if i didn't know better i'd have thought you were on something else. 'cos you were so dodgy. so fucking dodgy. did you know you were spewing out rosy, flowery, pseudo-angelic words in your drunken state? while trying to brain-wash a stranger by using soft intonations? what's up with that? taking a low blow by trying to say shit behind my back. literally. which school of ethics did you come from? that's right. you can't fucking remember. and i can bet my ass you're telling yourself right now that it didn't happen. that's right. tell yourself you weren't all that dramatic that night to two strangers who don't even see your fucking point or share your point of view. you might as well. 'cos i wouldn't wanna have to deal with such embarrassment if i were you.
and to top it all off you had a fucking leaf in your hair while you were talking.
jezzuz.
just how stupid you feel right i will never know.
but you make for mediocre budget comedy.
'cos the fact of the matter is that people around you that night were aware of the fiasco and just how you wack you were. and lo and behold, the next day most of my friends were asking what your problem was. indirectly you became a topic of discussion. just how do you do it, i don't know. but it sucks when you have to grow an extra inch of skin, doesn't it? good luck to you on your next visit to Jiak Kim Street.
and my, my. you had the cheek to dispense baseless information just because a situation was at hand. i bet you felt really good telling people i score girls for kicks. a long line of girls, i heard. however it felt for you, i hope you realise just how fucking hypocrytical you really are when you recap not too long ago and think of me as a real person. helping you out when you yourself were pissed drunk (again). "Thank you, Fai. I really appreciate you sending us home...."
screw you, drunk twat.
now to the other, more important person.
you.
you know just how bad this has become. you think i'm saying all this just for the fun of it? you think i like dissing people off publicly, subsequently making them feel lousy about themselves? don't blame me for this. your friend just had to push my buttons. and you of all people should know just how volatile i can get when people poke their noses into my private life. i am not blaming you for not warning them earlier how dangerous it is to come messing around, but she could have just shut her trap and not piss the shit out of me. don't get me wrong. i do see your point. and i know how shitty it feels. but it's not gonna help anything if things were to just carry on like this. already i can hear calls for my head in the stands.
but funny how familiar those voices sound, though.
i think you've had your fair share of stories. and the last thing you need is for the dearest close to you to be affected by them. i know you've been there. i just hope you still remember how utterly disgusting it is when people say shit and not have anything to back it up with.
oh. speaking of which. again.
it has come to my attention that someone in your circle is doing a papparazi and has been busy, well, publicising my name in the most unflattering fashion.
and now you find yourself in a fix.
to believe or not to believe. it's either the loyal friends who would protect you to death or the boy who has his reasons for leaving. whatever it is, i hope you think about it and use your logic. but if you do choose to believe the hype and listen to the stories, i would like to say a very big thank you to whoever it is that has put me in front of a firing squad. kudos. whoever you are, your stories worked well and i will forever go down in history as the Promiscuous Bastard of the Year. gossip folks. gotta love them.
did you say your friends weren't thinking straight? i say they still aren't.
don't make me look at this whole fiasco as a juvenile episode. you know their mentality differs from yours and you'd just short change yourself if ever you believe what you hear.
but then again.
who am i to ask for anything.
bedroom*hair @ 4:42 pm
+ + +
and this is history repeating itself.
four major projects, 2 deadlines.
no extension.
but it will be done.
it shall be completed in time.
cos i am an LMF.
bedroom*hair @ 10:14 pm
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..... Happy Valentine's Day to you, too.
bedroom*hair @ 3:13 am
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i am still trying to figure out the reason for the sudden change of mood, right from the start of the day. i swear to God i was the world's most mentally disturbed person yesterday. but it seems the world decided to rotate in the opposite direction from the moment i opened my eyes. literally. i'd like to know why, but i guess i should just be happy and keep my trap shut.
one of the joys of today was the return of my keyboard. yes, my keyboard. it went on strike for the past few days but now order has been restored, thanks to some miracle. at least now i don't have to wait 4 seconds for a letter to appear.
today was the first time i step foot in an ortho lab, and i must say i've been taking my limbs for granted. there were old people doing basic leg exercises that seem like child's play but i bet it was probably very painful for those lot. it was a little hard to believe that my friend had trouble with her crutches just yesterday. but she aced it like a pro this time round and she was all smiles by the time her therapy was done.
:)
have i ever mentioned i like hospitals? i like hospitals. and the many ways you can get lost just by trying to find the cafeteria.
i've got a deadline tomorrow that was meant to be met last week but i believe that the spirit of the Last Minute Fighter in me will be my saving grace tonight. it looks like i shall be seeing sunrise in about 9 hours' time.
i do believe that my English is getting bad to badder.
ok that was bad. sorry.
although nothing is for certain now, i just want you to know that i thought alot about you today. and it made me smile. you don't know it. but you make me feel all warm.
i hope it gets better.
bedroom*hair @ 9:37 pm
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and for the realist that i am, i shall take it in my stride. so fuck all the horoscopes. they don't seem to hold truth to their print anymore. i survived a really, really difficult depression a year ago and i sure as hell am not gonna cave in just because circumstances dictate the current situation.
it's not you.
i'm just not enjoying this phase right now.
bedroom*hair @ 5:20 pm
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woke up 10 mins before the start of my class.
took a cab down to skool to maintain a 5-week straight run of taxi rides.
brought 2 thick textbooks the size of the yellow pages.
spent an hour gathering research for the lesson.
and all i did today was draw a line.
one 30cm line.
out of 5 hours of skool.
i need a shrink.
bedroom*hair @ 4:34 pm
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my head is officially caught in an unprecedented mess, my insides has developed a habit of detaching itself, my conscience has lost all respect for priorities and i find myself close to tearing everytime i think of her.
i have a whole week's worth of assignments i haven't touched, a band to sort out by next week and a girl whom i'll miss so much.
one would say that i brought all this upon myself. true. but i have to say i've never wanted anyone to suffer. anyone. and that includes my own self. you might not see just what is happening and it is the most shittiest feeling ever in the history of communication that i can't tell you how i feel. and so you'd never know.
i need to get away from all of you happy people.
i need to be alone for a long while.
i need to stop wishing it wasn't like this.
i need to stop hoping for an angel to descend.
i need to find the pieces that were missing.
i need to start telling myself it's gonna be okay.
i need to stop crying in the middle of dinner.
i need to put aside that Kodak moment of you and i.
i need to introduce my head to a wall.
i need to stop listening to Gravity and wish i was in the video.
i need to buy me a new life.
i need to make the tingles last.
i need to learn how to smile again.
i need love to come back.
i really need love to come back.
bedroom*hair @ 12:45 pm
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Special big-ass thank you to nanA for giving this blog its much-needed facelift.
You deserve a medal for this. And teh peng as well. Thank you.